sjsprWriting

When a mommy loves a daddy very very much, they have children. I am a result of that, but I’m pretty sure my parents regret that decision to some extent. This is because I cost $45,000. I was a lab baby, or as the more scientifically inclined term goes, in vitro. I always wonder why on Earth my parents would waste $45,000 for having a child. First of all, it’s 45K. I could think of so many things I could buy with that money. Like maybe a bunch of food. Or a car. My parents spent 45k for me, which meant my mom had to go through 9 months of pregnancy AKA Hell. Whenever I think of pregnancy I die a little inside, because it sounds so horrible. You gain weight, you get ridiculously weird food cravings, you are always moody, and then as a reward for all this you have to push a human out of a ten-centimeter hole. Not fun. Oh, and mothers aren’t the only ones who suffer. Fathers have to deal with 9 months of moodiness from their wives, without having done anything wrong. In fact, they did do something right; they got her pregnant!

After those nine months of sheer horror, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. It’s more like poop and bodily fluids. That’s right. You have to raise the baby you birthed!!! That’s like $200,000 a year, and countless hours of your time!!! Don’t even get me started on the terrible two’s. THEY’RE TERRIBLE!!! Imagine a cage full of guinea pigs incessantly squealing. The terrible two’s is just like that, except it’s a HUMAN and it actually matters if you don’t take care of it, it dies.

Then there are the teenage years. If it doesn’t get pregnant or becomes a drug addict, you hit the lottery. But it’s still pretty bad. Their mood swings are just as bad as their mother’s during her pregnancy. So if you get anything out of this rant, please pray to God that it’s repulsion towards the thought of having children. Not only will you live a happier life, but you will also help with the overpopulation issue in the world. Be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem.