sjsprWriting

Don’t say you didn’t see this coming.

You pressed your thumbs into my heart

and molded it to you before you dropped it

and let it

shatter.

and I could sit and tell you every little thing that’s wrong

with the way that you talk or the way that you sit or the way that you walk

especially with the way that you look at me, or ask me how my day went,

or where I would go if I could go anywhere

and how you don’t do it anymore

And I tried so hard to write the “I hate you” poem.

The “fuck off” poem, the “you’re a waste of time” poem

the “I can’t stand to think of you much less look at you” poem

I want so bad to write the “I don’t need you” poem, the

“I deleted your number from my phone ages ago” poem,

the “I don’t need to write about you” poem

because “I don’t give a shit” poem

But instead, I am writing this poem because we aren’t speaking

and it makes my heart hurt so much, that it’s all I can do

just to get up off the floor sometimes

This is the poem I am writing because I refuse to write

the “I miss you” poem, I refuse to write the “if I could be anywhere

at all I’d be wherever you are” poem

I refuse to write the “how are you doing?” poem, the “I miss

making fun of how you like pepsi more than coke” poem, the

“I miss sitting at that park bench with you” poem

I want to stop wanting to write

the “I could fall in love with you again so quickly

if only you would say one more word to me” poem

But I am tired of loving you

I am tired of your thumbs pressing into my heart

I am tired of letting you drop it