sjsprWriting

I know it is cliché to say he smiled with his eyes but he did smile with his eyes. Unfortunately the rest of him was saying what I so hopelessly dreaded. I don’t exactly recall what was going through my mind as he walked towards me, on that cloudy afternoon after school. I simply remember how I felt and how much I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to hear what I sensed he was coming to say, because I knew it wouldn’t be good. The day seemed to be perfectly aligned with my emotions. The way the clouds covered the sky seemed surreal and unknown, as if the sun didn’t want to face reality. I didn’t want to face it either, I couldn’t bear think it. I stared at the windows as they collected tiny drops from the sprinkling rain, turning to streaks of liquid as they raced each other to the base of the windows.

 Then, everything came crashing down, it didn’t matter how much thought I had put into this moment or how I knew it was coming, hearing it was a completely different thing. Over the weekend, I had tried to avoid thinking about what would happen. But we all change within relationships; we can either grow together or grow apart. My best friend, Susie, described it as “ the moment when sparks fade in a relationship and all you’re left with are the ashes of last night’s Fourth of July fireworks.” The fact that Susie and I had talked about this shows that I had had my suspicions; but even then I still couldn’t bring myself to accept that it had happened sooner than later. Jake had started to go out more and I wasn’t the kind of girl that would out on a regular basis and get drunk every other weekend. Our interests changed. It used to hurt the most when I’d think about the kind of relationship Jake and I had had. I could have been in the worst mood and suddenly snap at him, but somehow he’d know that something was wrong and do the whole “cute boyfriend thing” by coming over with my favorite “romcoms” and popcorn. That’s what we were. We were the cute, cheesy, “lovey dovey” couple. But we just grew apart. 

 Now, thinking back on everything, I know that that’s part of high school and I think part of life. The point is to grow as a person and become a better one. I can’t say I am already the person I will be or that I’m even near to being that person; but I can say that I’ve grown. I know that young love is what many teenage girls secretly yearn for; and that those first breakups are the hardest, but are also where the first lessons come from. Many things have changed since high school. I’ve learned new things and discovered old ones.

  Then when you least expect it, an old friendship can be rekindled; and all of a sudden it’s like starting all over again.