sjsprWriting
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Ana stream of consciousness prompt
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Sharpened pencils, two dogs, one brother, divorced parents…my six-year-old self didn’t think much about the future. Some people know what they want to be when they’re older from an early age, teachers, doctors, and lawyers, not me. I felt free in my own mind, in my own way and nothing could change that. I found love in reading books like Matilda or Charlie and the Chocolate factory, not in much else. I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically.
I wanted to grow up. Would me six-year-old self be proud of me now? Have I worked hard enough? Am I a role model for my three other brothers? Change, change, change…no, not good enough, not athletic enough, not pretty enough. From a young age I knew nothing lasts forever be sadness or happiness. This is hard.
Is my future self-happy? Have a made a difference in the world? Has it all been worth it? It’s hard to envision the future without clearly understanding the present or even the past. There’s no sure guess. I’m not sure what I can be sure on right now.
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14 Comments
Favorite Sentence: I found love in reading books like Matilda or Charlie and the Chocolate factory, not in much else.
Could use Work: I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically.
My Revision: I was confused as to why someone would destroy the twin towers that once held such meaningful life, or why things end so abruptly.
Could use Work: I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically.
My Revision: I was confused as to why someone would destroy the twin towers that once held such meaningful life, or why things end so abruptly.
2) I'm not sure what I can be sure on right now.
3 & 4) From a young age, I knew nothing would last forever. Not even sadness. Not even happiness.
3 & 4) From a young age, I knew nothing would last forever. Not even sadness. Not even happiness.
Sentence I loved: " I felt free in my own mind, in my own way and nothing could change that."
Sentence that could use work: "Some people know what they want to be when they?re older from an early age, teachers, doctors, and lawyers, not me."
Revised: "Some people from an early age, know what they want to be when they grow up; teachers, doctors, lawyers... But not me."
Sentence that could use work: "Some people know what they want to be when they?re older from an early age, teachers, doctors, and lawyers, not me."
Revised: "Some people from an early age, know what they want to be when they grow up; teachers, doctors, lawyers... But not me."
sentence i like: "I?m not sure what I can be sure on right now."
sentence I think could use work: "From a young age I knew nothing lasts forever be sadness or happiness. "
maybe you could change it to: "From early on, I learned nothing lasts forever. Sadness doesn't last forever but happiness doesn't either."
sentence I think could use work: "From a young age I knew nothing lasts forever be sadness or happiness. "
maybe you could change it to: "From early on, I learned nothing lasts forever. Sadness doesn't last forever but happiness doesn't either."
Favorite line - I?m not sure what I can be sure on right now.
Work line- I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically.
"Fixed" - I didn't understand how someone could destroy the twin towers, or why things end drastically.
I love it! Especially the end, I think you're being really honest and it reflects in your work!
Work line- I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically.
"Fixed" - I didn't understand how someone could destroy the twin towers, or why things end drastically.
I love it! Especially the end, I think you're being really honest and it reflects in your work!
Favorite Line: It's hard to envision the future without clearly understanding the present or even the past.
Sentence: Some people know what they want to be when they're older from an early age, teachers, doctors, and lawyers, not me.
Sentence "Fixed": Some people, from an early age, know what they want to be when they're older: teachers, doctors, lawyers. But not me.
Sentence: Some people know what they want to be when they're older from an early age, teachers, doctors, and lawyers, not me.
Sentence "Fixed": Some people, from an early age, know what they want to be when they're older: teachers, doctors, lawyers. But not me.
1. Favorite line: I?m not sure what I can be sure on right now.*****
2. Line that could use work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically."
3. Revision: I was a bit thrown-off by "why someone destroyed the twin towers", although it puts the piece in perspective time-wise, the feel of the piece seems a bit more personal than periodical, and with the mentioning of your parents divorce, I feel like the piece would flow better by just leaving "I was confused as to why things can end drastically.", maybe adding some transition about how your favorite books inevitably had to end at some point in between the previous sentence and this one.
No se.
2. Line that could use work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically."
3. Revision: I was a bit thrown-off by "why someone destroyed the twin towers", although it puts the piece in perspective time-wise, the feel of the piece seems a bit more personal than periodical, and with the mentioning of your parents divorce, I feel like the piece would flow better by just leaving "I was confused as to why things can end drastically.", maybe adding some transition about how your favorite books inevitably had to end at some point in between the previous sentence and this one.
No se.
Line that I liked: It's hard to envision the future without clearly understanding the present or even the past.
Line that could use work: From a young age I knew nothing lasts forever be sadness or happiness.
How you could that line: From a young age I knew nothing lasts forever, not even sadness or happiness.
Line that could use work: From a young age I knew nothing lasts forever be sadness or happiness.
How you could that line: From a young age I knew nothing lasts forever, not even sadness or happiness.
Ana Maria says...
1. Favorite line: I?m not sure what I can be sure on right now.*****
2. Line that could use work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically."
3. Revision: I was a bit thrown-off by "why someone destroyed the twin towers", although it puts the piece in perspective time-wise, the feel of the piece seems a bit more personal than periodical, and with the mentioning of your parents divorce, I feel like the piece would flow better by just leaving "I was confused as to why things can end drastically.", maybe adding some transition about how your favorite books inevitably had to end at some point in between the previous sentence and this one.
No se.
favourite line: "I'm not sure what I can be sure on right now."
line that needs work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically."
fixed: "I didn't understand why the twin towers collapsed or why things could end drastically."
line that needs work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically."
fixed: "I didn't understand why the twin towers collapsed or why things could end drastically."
Line I love: "From a young age I knew nothing lasts forever be sadness or happiness."
Line that could use work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically."
I do like this line, a lot actually but maybe try to give 1 or two more examples of things ending drastically, to make the point more prominent?
Line that could use work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically."
I do like this line, a lot actually but maybe try to give 1 or two more examples of things ending drastically, to make the point more prominent?
Line that I liked: I felt free in my own mind, in my own way and nothing could change that.
Sentence that could be worked on: Would me six-year-old self be proud of me now?
(Would I, a six grader be proud of myself right now?)
Sentence that could be worked on: Would me six-year-old self be proud of me now?
(Would I, a six grader be proud of myself right now?)
Favorite line: I felt free in my own mind, in my own way and nothing could change that.
Could work on: Some people know what they want to be when they?re older from an early age, teachers, doctors, and lawyers, not me.
My input: Some people know what they want to be when they're older from an early age---teachers, doctors, lawyers. Not me.
Could work on: Some people know what they want to be when they?re older from an early age, teachers, doctors, and lawyers, not me.
My input: Some people know what they want to be when they're older from an early age---teachers, doctors, lawyers. Not me.
Favorite line: "It?s hard to envision the future without clearly understanding the present or even the past."
Line that could use work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically.
Correction: I didn't understand why someone would destroy the twin towers or why things end drastically.
Line that could use work: "I was confused as to why someone destroyed the twin towers or why things can end drastically.
Correction: I didn't understand why someone would destroy the twin towers or why things end drastically.
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