sjsprWriting

It’s time. This is it, no looking back now.

Breathe, I remind myself.

Relax, you’ve got this, trying to convince myself.

“Dad I need your credit card. It’s time…”

“Sure”, he says, “here you go”, like it’s no big deal.

False. This piece of plastic and its 16 numbers are everything right now.

Typing them in felt like the longest, slowest process I could ever control.

So many numbers, so small. Double check, squint behind my thick glasses.

Triple check, click, click, scroll.

Finish, POP!

Was that my heart or the pop-up screen?

Both, definitely both.

“Payment complete” it says before I’m tormented into selecting more boxes.

Finally reaching the signature at the bottom of the page,

And it feels like a slow motion grasp at the horizon, the unknown.

I’m signing my life away!

I’m electronically leaping into an abyss known as “The Future”.

I scream – actually it’s more of a squeal – I can’t do this!

My mom actually rushes in. “What’s wrong?!” she asks with wide-eyed concern.

“Nothing”, I respond, “I just can’t do this!”

“Michelle just click the freakin button”, mother says wearing an [expletive] face.

Breathe.

Click, submit, it’s done.

I just applied to my dream school, and now I’ll lay awake all night,

Eyes full of anxiety and wonder of the possibilities.