The Saint John's Times

Beware the Chimichanga!

The Chikungunya virus, also known as the Chimichanga or the Chimichurri, is out to get you! This fever is this summer’s latest trend, besides wasting water doing the ALS ice bucket challenge. Everybody who is anybody is getting it. If you are not getting it, mosquitoes just don’t find you sexy enough. (sucks to be you)

Moving on from your self-esteem issues, some mutant mosquitoes from the Dominican Republic or something are spreading this more hardcore version of Dengue and fucking everybody's lives up. It’s the most feared monster since the chupacabra when everybody still thought it actually existed!

Stay home and do not come out for days. I repeat - do not come out for days. There are infected mosquitoes out and about in the island and they could risk YOUR health. However, if you do decide to come out (of the closet lol), Off! Insect Repellent will be your new best friend from this day on (besides your nasty perfume).

P.S. no, I didn't have chikungunya.. I had a throat infection. Thanks for caring tho