sjsprWriting

It’s been two months now. And to tell the most earnest of truths, they have been the most magnificent, peaceful, and, overall, extraordinary two months of my entire being since I was declared an actual human being (I’ve got the stamp on my ass to prove it: you know, the one that says “Kindly fuck off this is a sarcastic joke because I hate you.” If you haven’t caught on as of yet, I’ll elaborate further and help you understand that the general lack of your presence has really changed me. And by that I mean I no longer have to duct tape the ends of my mouth to my eyes to smile when introducing myself and my current state of life to people who, actually, would like to inquire about who I really am. Though, I will thoroughly miss going up to people in a purple tuxedo and green hair and makeup on and asking “You wanna know how I got this tape?” Then I’d get really close to their faces whilst licking my lips and breathe out dramatically “From that place.”

Really, I’m just so goddamn lucky that things happened the way they did between us. I mean, with, well, you know, your constant borrowing of my money and splurging on useless things while I spent hours on end on ends of relationships on ends of us, just, working at a congested office space that had anything but. And how when I got home you could never quite stop the projectile vomiting of convoluted, and yet superficial word-garbage that was, in reality, just some poor, adopted thought that your terribly dilapidated foster-care of a mind meshed into the gutters of agony and boredom that was beyond any fathomable hope that this description was just a hyperbole. No. Trust me, I wish.

What was really something, though, was when I saw you in that one store you always harassed me about taking you to; the one that had more stupid people when you walked in and the absence, therefore of, when you walked out. I think it’s where you hatched. So I saw you there, just standing, looking, breathing. Ew. And I decided right then and there that I absolutely needed to go in there and do it. A tingly feeling began to crawl over my chest, and then my hands, and I knew it was meant to be. I ran into the store and there you were halfway through the one-way highway to hell with your mouth running faster than anything not dumb. I turned you around, looked you right in the eyes, and almost faltered; that is, before I remembered you stole the money I had worked nearly-lethal hours for in the hopes of getting where you wanted to go for our honeymoon that you had ended up handing over to your new lover. So I’m there looking deep inside the crevices of your face that supposedly pour into one’s soul, and could only think “Boy, are you vacant. Knock knock who’s there not you that’s for damn sure.” And then it happened. The corners of your mouth parted and I just wanted to turn you on mute and hand you the remote and then destroy all batteries in the world compatible with you and watch you walk up to people just looking so horribly confused. But I stood my ground. You started to talk and my hand was ready. I pressed your lips together and said to you,

“Shut.

Please.

Just.

Shut.”

And walked away for good, delighted and free.