sjsprWriting

“I tell you: one must have chaos in one, to give birth to a dancing star. I tell you: you still have chaos in you.” –Nietzsche

One of the most beautiful moments in exploring any language, after that of learning a new word for the first time, is finding yourself shifting your perception of a word. Feeling how its very definition morphs into another in your mind, and you begin to associate it with something else than your initial understanding. For me, that word is “chaos”. Typical thoughts of destruction and people running rampant were the usual association. Chaos equaled lack of control.

It began shifting into something else the moment I understood the chaos inside me. The idea that everything and everyone began from an end. Chaos, the universal base, the moment of existence. I have come from the same stuff as the stars, both sprouting from the uncontrolled. Chaos, to me, became beautiful. It stopped meaning destruction. It stopped being a symbol of horror and anarchy, but rather a reminder of the captured explosions we contain.

Chaos.

The word became the Big Bang of my acceptance of who we are, what we do, why we do it. We focus our time in containing ourselves, in containing emotions, calling sincere moments of desperation “explosive”, associating feeling “too much” with not being able to control yourself.

But don't things that are contained and pulled back for too long end up exploding?

That inevitable release of the pure, unbridled truth is nothing but chaos.

Beautiful,

inevitable

chaos.

And in those moments, we are reminded, we still have chaos inside of us.

And chaos, your chaos, is beautiful.