sjsprWriting

I wanted you to know

that you still plague my thoughts 

when I don't notice, 

and I've let my guard down.

That the feeling of sinking

at the pit of my heart,

and the bottom of my stomach,

and the way my breath

hitches in response to that feeling,

and how I have to take

a moment to regain my composure

and each deep sigh

and each time I shut my eyes 

till I see stars

are all for you.

dedicated to you.

you are behind

each enfuriating,

crippling action.

I am left to wonder why

is it so hard to let go

when you've already faded

a long time ago.

I've often thought of writing to you,

and it's been a corny, full of yearning

kind of writing. 

But I always force myself

not to.

(i wanted you to know that too).