sjsprWriting

Do you ever just really miss someone?

It's not the usual kind of missing, though-- the kind when you can hypothetically just say "hello" if you really wanted to. It's the kind you know you'll likely never speak to them again. It's been a while, though, so you don't feel quite as broken anymore, but you haven't really let go, either (but you feel yourself starting to and you're not really sure when that happened).

Sometimes you think about it, though, and you wish you could have both been more mature about this, or that things had happened differently--because you still have things you want to say and still find things that remind you of them, and you want to share it with them, but you don't feel like you're allowed to. And you're not completely sure they'd even be allowed to do it with you if the situation were reversed. But, if you were really honest, you'd know it probably would be, because sometimes you wonder if they wonder about you, too, and you would feel a little less pathetic if they did.

Perspective, I think, is something that comes with time. And after some of it has passed, you look back and feel that maybe the day you stopped talking was a result of being immature or petty-- or maybe you are justified in your anger, but with time that flame blows out and you're really only left with smoke and a used candle you feel may have been lit prematurely.